My Current Regret

Not kissing him when he grabbed my neck and pulled me in. I backed away… now I am left wondering what it would have felt like to touch his lips.

I was feeling this regret deeply today, until I had a conversation where the advice I was giving applied directly to my life. What was the advice?

Pretend as if he is with me. Talk to him as if he were here. Instead of ordering a medium coffee, order two smalls and give one to him (that I would drink after I pretend he has left), make a plate of food then put half of it on a second plate for him…

Yes, I am nuts. Take it or leave it.

When I think of him, I think of what I did not do. It hurts. My heart closes. I begin to sink.

This morning I thought it was because I had made a mistake; now I believe differently. I believe I AM with him. He thinks of me. He ‘pretends’ I am by his side. In Universal Law, that would mean that I am there.

There is still a fear whispering in my ear. One that is ashamed with how I acted. One that does not want to take responsibility. One that wants to continue hiding.

What if he does not like what I have to say? What if he does not agree with how I live? Do I love myself enough to be myself fully when he IS NOT EVEN HERE? (in physical form)

He is here and I am there. As we are all everywhere. One day… one day it will sync in.

 

xoxox, the long way to go

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