Holy Trauma

Good morning Bri…here is a dose of WHAT THE FUCK. Now, eat your mistakes and swallow your indecision.

Here is an outline of my imperfections:

I am impulsive and forget to ask important questions. I leave too much up to chance. A friend in Los Angeles called. She asked me if I wanted to live in LA and be the photographer for her company. My initial gut reaction was empty. Meaning, yes I can be her photographer but I have been writing lately and I am excited about it. I don’t want to leave my writing behind. I had plans in my hometown, Las Vegas. I was enjoying the shipment position I had at Skechers; had…

I laid in bed for 24 hours before deciding I would take her up on her offer. I told my roommate. I told my coworkers. I told my friends whom I had ongoing projects with. I told them all before I asked any important questions like: Where is the company located? Where will I be sleeping? Where will I be showering? Will there be food for me? How much will I be paid?

In my defense, the Universe has given me a lot. I am not the type to worry about the basics because they are abundant. But, in this situation, I was caught off guard. In fact, that morning I was thinking how happy I was with my life and where I was taking it. As soon as I was faced with what I believed to be an opportunity, I crumbled. “This is a gift and it could be great.” Uncertainty.

My gut did not want to go. I could have listened and told her no. Instead I forced the idea upon my mind and became lost in time. I told everyone. I planned a “going away” party. I am writing this the day of the party where I have to put on the face that says I am in control of my life; when that is the furthest from the truth.

This morning I woke wanting to run away. Go live in the mountains to become a Light Worker. I tell myself that is of a higher purpose than what I am currently doing. What challenge is in that? I wouldn’t have to take responsibility for any of the issues I am facing…

xoxox, Pray To God My Soul To Keep

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