How do I tell him he makes me feel what I am normally numb to? The thought of him excites me. I love to have him around.
How do I tell him I see he makes other women feel this same way…? How do I say that I am jealous?
How do I portray who I am and what he wants at the same time? How do I ask if he can stay?
What do I do when I make the same mistakes? I say the silly things that have no meaning and push him away. How do I tell him I am hurting? How do I share my heart without him falling into the dumps of my emotions?
How can I honestly announce that I am still a child pretending to adult? I am a dreamer who has lost sight of the starting line. There is no finish from here. Where I am, it is quite unclear. I know these behaviors no longer serve me, but it is the role I play. To try anything different would leave me too vulnerable.
How do I sit next to him without invading his space? Does he see what I see when we look up at the same time? Does he feel what I feel when I hope he’d be mine?
Do I tell him I am crazy? Do I suggest he run away? Do I show him my optimism that copes me through the day?
We live in different worlds that I hope could merge, because he makes me feel light like I can fly with the birds.
How could he except me when I can’t except me… the darkest parts of me that hurt to share because people stare. They don’t understand why I sing loudly out of tune or why I howl at the moon.
They are human, I cannot blame them and I cannot blame him, for not wanting to match my energy. I can blame myself for not wanting to tell him. I prefer to run away…
xoxox, to the ones that get away
Illustration by @dare_tb_diffrent