Below the video you will find the original poem; no cuts, raw and uncensored. The process of creating this short film was an amazing learning opportunity. If I ever decide to remake Freedom, I would have much less visuals distracting from the essence of the story. Feel free to leave your thoughts regarding the poem and the way it was portrayed in the film!
We are lovers. We are new to this. Both of us with thick walls around our hearts. Avoidant: we run from intense feeling. We ran into each other. I pulled for his attention. I used too many words. Desperate thoughts begging to be agreed with. To be Right. He never cared to know Truth. He wanted raw. Raw everything. I did not feel he was ready for my raw self. I could not imagine what his would look like. Both of us well aware I could not stay. I could not dare do to him what I did to my ex. Melancholy; the great and the worst.
There we are, at a bar. Grazing the horizons of each other’s eyes. Intimacy in a pure form. She joins us. Interrupting our silence she smiles at him and asks his name. She kindly turns to me apologetic. States the essence of her being. She has come to summon him. She asks my blessing. I knew this time would come. I knew I would have to let him go. The look in her eyes said she was well aware of our situation. She was ready to pick up where I would be leaving. I saw it all. She could give him everything I cannot. I gave my blessing. She grabbed his hand. They walked to her table. Bag in my hand, I walked slow enough to feel every inch of separation between he and I. I did not look back, couldn’t. I felt his eyes watch me walk away.
Time swept me off of my feet and threw my ass back on the bar stool. I was back in the moment before she arrived. His eyes locked on mine this time around. She returns. Same introduction, again asking for my blessing. He yelped in terror after hearing my yes. How dare we choose his destiny! He decides who he is with and no woman can pick him up as if he is a trophy! I feel his anger jolt through my wrist as he grabs me and storms to the car. Rage in his eyes. Steam blowing out of his ears, he asks how I could do such a thing. Passively I explain the opportunities I saw for the two of them. The race of his heart came to the finish line. His pace slowed as he looked into my Soul and said “I felt you walk away, a feeling I would regret.”
Him and I had only known how to make love, until that night. We scurried into the alley way and he fucked me next to a dumpster. God, the smell alone was an adrenaline rush. Now add the public nudity and the un-pierced connection. We made it. We brought Heaven to Earth. Him and I were the only Souls alive.
What I see now that I have completed the film and re-read the poem: I lost the deeper essence of the message. I wanted intimate. I wanted pain. PS, I did not write the screen play. That was taken care of by the director. I was so excited in the moment that I was blinded. My vision was lost and I accepted major compromise. Compromise that I, in a way, regret now. I also learned that acting and directing are not easy to master at the same time. Although, my directing eye was shunned from the filming process. *Inserts shrugging emoji* I win some and I lose some…
xoxox, a director building a foundation
Director: Nikoloas Saiz