A Letter Never Sent: To My Father

Hey dad.

I have been feeling really low, feeling like running away. I’ve been getting rid of all my stuff while depressed and sad. To be honest, it would be easier for me to get through this if you would be talking to me.

Since Thanksgiving, you stopped. Before that, you were answering all my messages even when you were busy. Now I hear you have a new girlfriend and my feelings are hurt. You are not giving time to me or us and what we are doing. It feels like everything is going downhill.

You told me I was your best friend and you don’t act like it. We need each other, especially now. All I ask that you would take some time out of your days to talk to me and to be consistent and to be interested in this process of renting a house together. I wish you would spend time getting your license instead of with a girl who can’t be there for you like I can.

This is also my fault, I know it. My thoughts began running and I think we both felt it. We need to be stronger. We need to talk to me these next few weeks otherwise I might drown in the deep end.

Seriously, there is no reason for either of us to feel like shit when we have each other. I hope all of this is well received. The point is for us to come together. You may feel bad after reading this, and that is not my intention.  Realize we are feeling the same way and we can help each other.

xoxox the daughter who cares

LITERALLY, Love Your Body, Please

True Statement: when you begin to gain weight and you stop sending loving energy to that part of your body, it gets worse!!!

First of all, this ridiculous self image needs to be let go of. It is a marketing scam to steal your souls and sell you the gym, equipment, more expensive food that is grown the same way, clothes that are just as bad as the food and other unnecessary items of consumption.

On some magical shit: I was laying in bed with my hands covering my boobs (they were smaller at the time) and I said, “I want these to be bigger.” WITH IN A LIGHT YEAR, which is unbelievably fast, these mother fucking boobs grew to meet the surface of my palms.

I was freaked out and I told them to go back down….careful what you ask for!

Anyhow, I have a new practice. I am telling all the pesky parts of my body that I love them. I am also asking them to grow stronger and healthier. Quantum physics baby. Get with it.

xoxox, that crazy Witch

Illustration from Nikki Valencia aka SoulBunni

Are You Withholding Your Gold?

Do you hold back from singing and dancing in worry of be judged?

Imagine a moment where you are dancing in complete love for the music and someone laughs. Do you take it personally? Do you stop? Do you walk away?

Imagine a moment where you bolt out in song; a voice from your heart. Imagine a person interrupting to mention how “out of tone” you are. How does that feel? Does it hurt? Do you begin to judge your voice? Do you decide to stop sharing your voice?

Did you answer YES to all those questions? If so, consider this: Those judging are using their minds to manipulate their projection. Not to say there is anything wrong with controlling beautiful movements. We can all appreciate an amazing choreographed dance. I know we love hearing Alicia Keys or John Legend.

If we can love those who practice, we can love those who move through Soul. Imagine a world where we flow together. All would dance without judging their movement. All would sing from the heart.

If you have not had a chance to sing and dance with a group who loves your flow, get in contact with me. I will make it happen.

xoxox, I Feel You

Illustration from Nikki Valencia aka SoulBunni

I Feel You

Sometimes I laugh at jokes I don’t understand.
I laugh to fit in.
To pretend my mind isn’t wondering the depths of your Soul.

I couldn’t tell you that.
No words seem to explain how easily I can shift into another being.
Feel the highs and the lows of the roller coaster you never ride.

I love thrill.
The adrenaline reminds me I am alive.
The chaos gives me a reason to appreciate the peace.

xoxox, you’ve been found

Illustration from Nikki Valencia aka SoulBunni

No Response, No Problems

I have caught myself talking too much and allowing the listener with bad intentions to use what I have said against me.

It happens every time a person focuses their energy on me.

Today, I vow to give shorter answers to allow the listener to respond. Therefore, I am in control of the information I do not say out loud. They cannot use my thoughts against me, or can they………

 

xoxox, silent warrior in training

Illustration by Danielle Wendlandt

Empower Yourself: How to Transmute Lingering Emotions

Do you find yourself going backwards; replaying moments in your head? What are you missing? What are you looking for? Justification. Clarity. Empathy or sympathy. Release. You have no one to talk to… not even your inner voice will listen… what do you do then?!

You REprogram. It is time to take your power back. Send that voice right BACK where it came from!

Hear me out, I know this is not an easy task…but here are the steps

  1. Acknowledgement of the thoughts that were forced upon you
  2. Acceptance for what you are facing
  3. Love where the thoughts came from (and where they are going back to)
  4. Release

The fourth step is where it gets tricky, and this is where positive self talk comes into place. Let me give you more details on my personal example in the introduction video:

I choose to experience sleeping with a new male in my life. I’ll blame it on the hormones, but truly I had aligned with the moment after “praying” for a no-strings-attached sexual encounter. Anyhow, the next morning I was not thrilled with my decision. What I deeply wanted and what I was given were two opposite extremes. My fault for not being clear in my manifestation…

The issue came when the Voice in my head began nagging me for choosing to sleep with him. I heard every problem. Every, “why would you do that? You could have…”

God, it would be refreshing to tell MYSELF a story and hear positive feedback, or even questions!
“How did it feel?”
“What would you have done differently looking back?”
“Is this a moment you would openly share with others?”
“Would you do it again?”

I VOW: to hear a new Voice; a voice that is interested in the psychology and meta-physics of the moment. This voice will never judge an experience as good verses bad. It will simply ask.

xoxox, reprogramming through radical honesty and open expression