Dear God

Please send some mother fucking patience
To deal with these people and all my frustrations
Teach me to know when to say nothing;
And how to play along with their petty games

It’s been a dusty road
I can finally see
Now that the breeze has washed over me
I am meant for greatness
But I cannot teach those that feel nothing

It is not my place
It never was
The devil took the wheel
He wanted to know how far he could drive me
Brought me to the edge of insanity

He took me back to watch my reaction
He wanted to see how deep he hurt me
I showed vulnerability
He guided leaches to suck dry all that was left of me
Crucification

I kneel to you
Asking for a life with momentum
Movement with grace
I am in no hast
I simply want a taste
Of the everlasting water
Until I shall thirst no more
And in your name, I will rain
To quench the calls of the betrayed

 

xoxox, calling to the Light guides

I Write Because No One Ever Listened

I write because I was told to sit down, stay still and shut up.
I write because I never learned how to have a conversation.
I write because I would steam with rage when I could not get my point across.
I write because my opinion never mattered.
I write because I was always told I was wrong.
I write because no one cared.
I write because I was lost and words found me.
I write because my heart was broken.
I write because I contemplated suicide with a loaded gun in my hand.
I write because I am a habitual thinker.
I write because I am scared to say my thoughts out loud.
I write because I am a day dreamer.
I write because I feel everything around me.
I write because I hear the thoughts of anyone thinking about me.
I write because I can hear Truth.
I write because I can release all these built up emotions.
I write because I was guided to the pen and paper.
I write because I am becoming a master communicator.
I write because I know words are open to interpretation.
I write because my life depends on it.
I write because you judge me.
I write because you love me.
I write because it fuels my drive.
I write because I understand the power of language.
I write because I create my world.
I write because you read it.
I write because the paper listens…

xoxox, what are words anyway?

Trust Issues

I can only lay with you one night if I do not trust you. Two nights if I am lonely. Three if I need to feel some type of way.

I have issues and I doubt you have these too. I feel alone because I only trust a select few.

I go where I am comfortable. Swimming in the depths of my wounds. Your manipulation deepens the cut, and I love drowning in my cocoon.

I stay with the ones I think I know, and run from the ones I truly do. I feel the love you have for me

but

I have trust issues…

 

xoxox, saving grace

Why Did I Post It?

Drawn by Shelby Pollock

It wasn’t for me.
It was for their eyes to see.
To see…me?
A part of me that I don’t want to see.
A part of me that was molded by beliefs.
A part of me that drags the curtain open kicking and screaming.

They don’t see me.
They see what they want to see.
Why do I post selfies?
Haven’t y’all seen enough of me!?
Shit, I am not quite that pretty;
And my messages not all that inspiring.

Excuse me, as I feel the darkness within the choices I’ve made.
The boundaries I’ve used to play cops and robbers.
But a cop is no good without weapons;
And a robber has nothing to lose.

I fell hard.
Almost, departed from thee.
Thee beloved.
The one who can see;
The one who has never taken his eyes off of me.

xoxox, forgetful fairy

Lonely Eyes

He watches me, when it is convenient for his mind. His word play is amateur, but his vibes scream they need a nurturer. I wonder in his darkness. I call his name. I sweetly begin to play his game. I abandoned myself. He calls me what he wants and he calls me when he needs; pleasure seems to be all I can give in these sheets. I am not hurting until his hurting finds me. I roamed upon his glass crystal. I saw all the sights I could see; all the suppressed memories. He seems to be a lot like me; like I was, before transmuting become a favorite pastime. Now I am past mine. Past the humps I piled up. Only to be caught in a maze. For a man who is hazed on the truth of the role I play. To my dismay, I did not help when I played his game. I made it worse. I added to the hurst. A grey area the waves cannot seem to wash away. I let him win this games of his, cause, in the end, I could never win. Winning puts me above. How could I rise above when I find myself below him?

xoxox, the broken-hearted

I Have A Dream

For Free!? For Free!?
Now they are screaming at me.
How could it be I give art for free!?
It makes no sense, you see.

To me, I see, a New World.
One for You and Me.
A world of abundant creativity.
A life of luxury without money.

It is possible, you see.
Or maybe you do not.
Maybe you are possessed with the money entity.
A God, who hails negativity.

Work, slave. He says to you.
Not to me, you see…
I live for free.

xoxox, Florian