Once upon a time in a far off land where MySpace was poppin… a young woman named Brianna loved modeling. Not for views, or likes. She loved it because it filled her heart. Her favorite photo shoot was with her sister Kassidy; a couple extra large jackets, fake diamond chains and snap backs.
Brianna learned how to use a self timer and life was Golden from then on! Pictures galore! She never cared what anyone thought, because the pictures were from her heart for her mind’s eye.
Instagram came along and the competition began. As her followers grew, she would delete old pictures that did not have “enough” likes. As high school passed and so did her cares for social attention. She did what she pleased. She felt she was pretty.
I am Brianna.
I have gone through a transformation. I have felt the dark side of the moon. In other words, I have accepted the masculine energy within me. Since then, I have been labeled; stamped UNAPPROVED.
I have become what I have been perceived to be; ugly and out of shape.
OK… yes, I am exaggerating your views. BUT, I am sharing the way your views are translated into my life. I participated in a photo shoot where I was half(ish) naked around woman with much smaller body shapes. [I love pizza… I’m not sorry.] I heard the distaste for my body and I reflected it in the photos. It became worse when I released the photos and my body grew from the thoughts now added to the scene.
Modeling, what I once loved, has turned into a judgment of self. Do I look good? Am I angled perfectly? Can you see the fat in my thighs or stomach? Do I look like the rest of the bland models?
I kept going…continued reaching out to photographers. What I noticed:
A photographer who appreciates inner beauty can bring out the beauty hiding within me
A photographer stuck in a third dimensional, in the box, judgmental mindset, will take photos of me and never look twice at them.
This is for all the women who identify with the thoughts of being less than what the mass has been brain washed into liking.
Ever think about a person then begin to feel and act like them? I do, all the time. Does that make me an empath; a shape shifter? It sure fucking does…
I have been attending an event in Las Vegas called Tuesday Blend. HIGHLY suggest it to any locals. The last few times I attended, I had a guy in mind who I will call Karma. One I knew would be there. One I feel a deep connection with. I felt calm and hazed when I connected to him. I had thoughts I do not typically care for.
Wait, wait… here is a question and readers please feel free to answer; does one feel a deeper connection with another being or does one CHOOSE to feel that?
Back to Tuesday Blend; this month I went with a male friend named Aaron. I typically do not go to events with friends. I am a lone wolf. I like to be by myself and not feel attached to anyone. BUT, this event I had him come with me. (Keep in mind, this is a friend I have had for 14 years). I did not have a thought of Karma. Guess what…
I WAS LIT AF! Why? Because I choose to connect to Aaron on that level and we matched each other’s energies. I could go on and on about this and I don’t want to unless someone specifically asks to hear.
The point of this post; Be Aware Of Who You Connect To. Those connections make or break moments.