They Hear Me

I cried for you in my car.

I rapped about our struggles.

I told the imaginary crowd how I wish I never left you.

But, I left to come right back.

Stronger than before.

I have the solutions to our problems.

If only you’d listen…

& you did.

You heard the roar.

I stopped the car to read a message from you wanting to know where I was.

I am in your heart…

xoxox, Big Sister, Mom & Dad

No Response, No Problems

I have caught myself talking too much and allowing the listener with bad intentions to use what I have said against me.

It happens every time a person focuses their energy on me.

Today, I vow to give shorter answers to allow the listener to respond. Therefore, I am in control of the information I do not say out loud. They cannot use my thoughts against me, or can they………

 

xoxox, silent warrior in training

Illustration by Danielle Wendlandt

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

We’ve all been told it is the journey that counts, and The Alchemist gives this philosophy a beautiful story to match that. Here are my favorite quotes, take them for what you will:

“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.”

“I only invoked what you already knew.”

“When you are loved you can do anything in creation.”

“The winds know everything. They blow across the world without a birth place and without a place to die”

“If a person is living out his Personal Legend, he knows everything he needs to know.”

“Anyone who interferes with the Personal Legend of another being will never discover his own.”

“Your eyes show the strength of your soul.”

“Every search begins with beginners luck and every search ends with the victors being severely tested.”

“The desert tests all men: it challenges every step, and kills those who become distracted.”

I would love to know which quote speaks to you and what it says. Please share in the comments below.

xoxox, beginners luck

Modeling: A Calling Lost Behind Balance

Once upon a time in a far off land where MySpace was poppin… a young woman named Brianna loved modeling. Not for views, or likes. She loved it because it filled her heart. Her favorite photo shoot was with her sister Kassidy; a couple extra large jackets, fake diamond chains and snap backs.

Brianna and Kassidy Florian
Wicked

Brianna learned how to use a self timer and life was Golden from then on! Pictures galore! She never cared what anyone thought, because the pictures were from her heart for her mind’s eye.

Instagram came along and the competition began. As her followers grew, she would delete old pictures that did not have “enough” likes. As high school passed and so did her cares for social attention. She did what she pleased. She felt she was pretty.

I am Brianna.

I have gone through a transformation. I have felt the dark side of the moon. In other words, I have accepted the masculine energy within me. Since then, I have been labeled; stamped UNAPPROVED.

I have become what I have been perceived to be; ugly and out of shape.

OK… yes, I am exaggerating your views. BUT, I am sharing the way your views are translated into my life. I participated in a photo shoot where I was half(ish) naked around woman with much smaller body shapes. [I love pizza… I’m not sorry.] I heard the distaste for my body and I reflected it in the photos. It became worse when I released the photos and my body grew from the thoughts now added to the scene.

Modeling, what I once loved, has turned into a judgment of self. Do I look good? Am I angled perfectly? Can you see the fat in my thighs or stomach? Do I look like the rest of the bland models?

I kept going…continued reaching out to photographers. What I noticed:

A photographer who appreciates inner beauty can bring out the beauty hiding within me

&

A photographer stuck in a third dimensional, in the box, judgmental mindset, will take photos of me and never look twice at them.

 

This is for all the women who identify with the thoughts of being less than what the mass has been brain washed into liking.

xoxox, I see your inner beauty

A Moment Of Magic

I was a confused mess. My only direction was back home; Vegas from LA. No money. No one to call. I convinced myself I could make it home with 1 gallon in my gas tank and $11 to fill up.

I attempted to “magically” force gas into my tank…ha if only…

I stopped at the gas station. Grabbed the cash and waited as the homeless man walked to my car to ask. 1 dollar was going to make no difference to the fact that I was going to end up stranded.

“Excuse me miss, could you spare some change?”
I grabbed the dollar. I handed it over with my eyes showing pain.
“God Bless You” he said as he walked away.
“10 dollars on 2 please. Thank you.”

Nozzle in car, I allowed the gas to pump, and it never stopped……..my entire tank was full….from 10 dollars…..

I cried the Pacific Ocean. I felt guilty. WTF could I have done to deserve that magic!?

Now, I am paying it forward by sharing with you. The possibilities are endless. Stay humble.

xoxox, #magicisreal

Energetic Connections

Ever think about a person then begin to feel and act like them? I do, all the time. Does that make me an empath; a shape shifter? It sure fucking does…

I have been attending an event in Las Vegas called Tuesday Blend. HIGHLY suggest it to any locals. The last few times I attended, I had a guy in mind who I will call Karma. One I knew would be there. One I feel a deep connection with. I felt calm and hazed when I connected to him. I had thoughts I do not typically care for.

Wait, wait… here is a question and readers please feel free to answer; does one feel a deeper connection with another being or does one CHOOSE to feel that?

Back to Tuesday Blend; this month I went with a male friend named Aaron. I typically do not go to events with friends. I am a lone wolf. I like to be by myself and not feel attached to anyone. BUT, this event I had him come with me. (Keep in mind, this is a friend I have had for 14 years). I did not have a thought of Karma. Guess what…

I WAS LIT AF! Why? Because I choose to connect to Aaron on that level and we matched each other’s energies. I could go on and on about this and I don’t want to unless someone specifically asks to hear.

The point of this post; Be Aware Of Who You Connect To. Those connections make or break moments.

xoxox, the analyst