A Letter Never Sent: To My Father

Hey dad.

I have been feeling really low, feeling like running away. I’ve been getting rid of all my stuff while depressed and sad. To be honest, it would be easier for me to get through this if you would be talking to me.

Since Thanksgiving, you stopped. Before that, you were answering all my messages even when you were busy. Now I hear you have a new girlfriend and my feelings are hurt. You are not giving time to me or us and what we are doing. It feels like everything is going downhill.

You told me I was your best friend and you don’t act like it. We need each other, especially now. All I ask that you would take some time out of your days to talk to me and to be consistent and to be interested in this process of renting a house together. I wish you would spend time getting your license instead of with a girl who can’t be there for you like I can.

This is also my fault, I know it. My thoughts began running and I think we both felt it. We need to be stronger. We need to talk to me these next few weeks otherwise I might drown in the deep end.

Seriously, there is no reason for either of us to feel like shit when we have each other. I hope all of this is well received. The point is for us to come together. You may feel bad after reading this, and that is not my intention.  Realize we are feeling the same way and we can help each other.

xoxox the daughter who cares

Lessons of Love

It is amazing how my inner circle vibrates to me wherever I am. I am always at Home.

Let me explain what I mean, as simply as possible. I have been spending a majority of my time with my longest friend, Aaron. He has been my rock during this transitional period. Occasionally he annoys the shit out of me, but I unconditionally love him (with boundaries). I have noticed myself getting irritated at the little perks that make Aaron who he is. Contradiction? Yes…

Let me change that sentence to: I am learning to unconditionally love him (as well as myself and others). In this quest, I ask for guidance and support.

I was blessed with a trip to Tecopa Hot Springs with an amazing mentor in my life. While there, we attracted two wonderful males. As the four of us spent the night together enjoying the Super Blood Moon, I began noticing similarities between one of the guys and Aaron. Little things that I overlooked in Aaron. Phrases he would use, the tone of his voice, his creative talents and his enthusiasm.

Moral of the story is; I was blessed with an opportunity to see Aaron in another’s light. I met a parallel universe of him. Now I can sit back and enjoy the minor details of Aaron that I use to ignore.

xoxox, Learning To Love