Modeling: A Calling Lost Behind Balance

Once upon a time in a far off land where MySpace was poppin… a young woman named Brianna loved modeling. Not for views, or likes. She loved it because it filled her heart. Her favorite photo shoot was with her sister Kassidy; a couple extra large jackets, fake diamond chains and snap backs.

Brianna and Kassidy Florian
Wicked

Brianna learned how to use a self timer and life was Golden from then on! Pictures galore! She never cared what anyone thought, because the pictures were from her heart for her mind’s eye.

Instagram came along and the competition began. As her followers grew, she would delete old pictures that did not have “enough” likes. As high school passed and so did her cares for social attention. She did what she pleased. She felt she was pretty.

I am Brianna.

I have gone through a transformation. I have felt the dark side of the moon. In other words, I have accepted the masculine energy within me. Since then, I have been labeled; stamped UNAPPROVED.

I have become what I have been perceived to be; ugly and out of shape.

OK… yes, I am exaggerating your views. BUT, I am sharing the way your views are translated into my life. I participated in a photo shoot where I was half(ish) naked around woman with much smaller body shapes. [I love pizza… I’m not sorry.] I heard the distaste for my body and I reflected it in the photos. It became worse when I released the photos and my body grew from the thoughts now added to the scene.

Modeling, what I once loved, has turned into a judgment of self. Do I look good? Am I angled perfectly? Can you see the fat in my thighs or stomach? Do I look like the rest of the bland models?

I kept going…continued reaching out to photographers. What I noticed:

A photographer who appreciates inner beauty can bring out the beauty hiding within me

&

A photographer stuck in a third dimensional, in the box, judgmental mindset, will take photos of me and never look twice at them.

 

This is for all the women who identify with the thoughts of being less than what the mass has been brain washed into liking.

xoxox, I see your inner beauty

#ThisIsOurs Creative Contest

They say the city never sleeps; 
Why do I see the sleep waking?
I am asked what I like the best of this place I call home
I pondered and picked at the good and the bad
I looked up to see all of the sad
Thinking to myself, what is it that keeps us this way?
Why are we depressed?
Why are we mad?
With my head to the ground, thoughts whirl winded my mind
And just in time they cleared for me to hear
“It is the walking”
Always in a rush to go and get somewhere
Darkness ringing in ears 
Telling you of places you outta drive to
Telling you the grass is greener
And the belief is of another side
Climbing a mountain that doesn’t exist 
Caught in the mist of a kiss missed 
You fled from the moment
Afraid to catch feels 
Hup one, hup two put your weight on them heels
Runaway my love
To a far land
La la la la
I’ll sing as you walk away…
They asked me what I love about this place I call home
I tell them I love singing to the tune of their walking shoes 

I was asked by Ours Unlimited to enter their creative contest. The asked for a submission that shows what I enjoy about the Vegas community. I decided to show and tell…

Originally, I was going to put together a video of feet walking with a local artist’s song. When he did not respond, I knew I couldn’t make this video with stock sound from YouTube. I laid in bed and came up with these words; a true description of how I feel about Vegas. I feel for those of you in a rush but I enjoy the breeze you leave to guide my whistles. Crazy how I ended up with shots that matched what I wrote. Lemme tell ya… I didn’t pay any mind to the videos I recorded, nor did I put any extra thinking into the words I wrote. Both were organic seeds that sprouted into this work of Art. Enjoy.

xoxox, the enthusiast