Holy Trauma

Good morning Bri…here is a dose of WHAT THE FUCK. Now, eat your mistakes and swallow your indecision.

Here is an outline of my imperfections:

I am impulsive and forget to ask important questions. I leave too much up to chance. A friend in Los Angeles called. She asked me if I wanted to live in LA and be the photographer for her company. My initial gut reaction was empty. Meaning, yes I can be her photographer but I have been writing lately and I am excited about it. I don’t want to leave my writing behind. I had plans in my hometown, Las Vegas. I was enjoying the shipment position I had at Skechers; had…

I laid in bed for 24 hours before deciding I would take her up on her offer. I told my roommate. I told my coworkers. I told my friends whom I had ongoing projects with. I told them all before I asked any important questions like: Where is the company located? Where will I be sleeping? Where will I be showering? Will there be food for me? How much will I be paid?

In my defense, the Universe has given me a lot. I am not the type to worry about the basics because they are abundant. But, in this situation, I was caught off guard. In fact, that morning I was thinking how happy I was with my life and where I was taking it. As soon as I was faced with what I believed to be an opportunity, I crumbled. “This is a gift and it could be great.” Uncertainty.

My gut did not want to go. I could have listened and told her no. Instead I forced the idea upon my mind and became lost in time. I told everyone. I planned a “going away” party. I am writing this the day of the party where I have to put on the face that says I am in control of my life; when that is the furthest from the truth.

This morning I woke wanting to run away. Go live in the mountains to become a Light Worker. I tell myself that is of a higher purpose than what I am currently doing. What challenge is in that? I wouldn’t have to take responsibility for any of the issues I am facing…

xoxox, Pray To God My Soul To Keep

Ode To The Confused

Dazzled by the wonders of this world. Engaged in every moment. Vicariously living every life. Somehow, lost in a liver pool of possibilities. The “ohhh, what ever shall I be?” When you spend energy looping what could be done. What are you doing? Nothing? Make a move; two or three. See. See what these ideas have in store for you. Try everything three times, in three different places, with three different mind sets. Good, neutral, bad. Can you do it? Can you feel all sides? Can you give it a try? Think about this, not one damn idea is permanent. You can leave anything you have begun. You steer the ship. You lay the pavement as you walk. If you have thought about doing it three times or more, in three different places, give it a go!!! Take the steps to make it! If you find yourself in limitations of why you cannot be where you would like to. Change course. Do something that fits where your life is now. Believe in magic. Believe there are possibilities beyond your own imagination. You can, and will, be whatever your heart desires. Choose wisely. Once your decision is made, look forward. Always look forward. Give it three times before you decide it is no longer for you. Most importantly, know your thoughts. Know the thoughts that make you feel gloom. Know the thoughts you are afraid of. Know the thoughts that bring joy. Know you control your reaction to the thoughts. Know you are on to something magnificent when a negative thought appears. Know you are being tested. If you want something that is beyond your current reach, you must work for it. You will be challenged. Show discipline in the fields you wish to thrive in. The Spirit Guides love discipline. Try not to be like me… ranting and raving in my mind about all the wonderful careers I could choose. Straining my brain imagining what steps must be taken for an outcome. I find myself looking at Step 23 when I am standing on Step 4. The process is where the fun comes out to play. The process will get you recognized. The process become the stories you tell your children. Take the steps, and know, you can always walk down and start up another staircase. Here is a little secret; occasionally the staircases intertwine…

xoxox, your guide through the haze