I Feel You

Sometimes I laugh at jokes I don’t understand.
I laugh to fit in.
To pretend my mind isn’t wondering the depths of your Soul.

I couldn’t tell you that.
No words seem to explain how easily I can shift into another being.
Feel the highs and the lows of the roller coaster you never ride.

I love thrill.
The adrenaline reminds me I am alive.
The chaos gives me a reason to appreciate the peace.

xoxox, you’ve been found

Illustration from Nikki Valencia aka SoulBunni

Energetic Connections

Ever think about a person then begin to feel and act like them? I do, all the time. Does that make me an empath; a shape shifter? It sure fucking does…

I have been attending an event in Las Vegas called Tuesday Blend. HIGHLY suggest it to any locals. The last few times I attended, I had a guy in mind who I will call Karma. One I knew would be there. One I feel a deep connection with. I felt calm and hazed when I connected to him. I had thoughts I do not typically care for.

Wait, wait… here is a question and readers please feel free to answer; does one feel a deeper connection with another being or does one CHOOSE to feel that?

Back to Tuesday Blend; this month I went with a male friend named Aaron. I typically do not go to events with friends. I am a lone wolf. I like to be by myself and not feel attached to anyone. BUT, this event I had him come with me. (Keep in mind, this is a friend I have had for 14 years). I did not have a thought of Karma. Guess what…

I WAS LIT AF! Why? Because I choose to connect to Aaron on that level and we matched each other’s energies. I could go on and on about this and I don’t want to unless someone specifically asks to hear.

The point of this post; Be Aware Of Who You Connect To. Those connections make or break moments.

xoxox, the analyst

Escapism

Ever become unenchanted with this human experience?  I get angry, exhausted and begin to act insane. I want to run. Dear God, I want to escape. As if a new place will magically heal all the wounds I have accumulated.

I am wise enough to understand I cannot run. I was taught in all my nightmares… the anxiety was always a leap behind me. One wrong move and I would be swallowed whole. Of course, I had dreams where I had gotten away. I have flown out of situations. Shape shifted to fit through cracks in windows. What I never did was turn and face the adversary.

I was feeling courageous last summer. I decided it was time to risk it. To try something I never have before…living in my car in… Los Angeles. Thank God I choose that city. Turns out, it is common to live in vehicles there. The nightmares ceased. I was no longer running.

It has been well over a year since the last nightmare. Yet, it has not gotten easier. The pain with facing my Shadow has brought me to my knees begging I be swept off of this earth. When that doesn’t happen, I imagine myself living alone on a mountain. None of these earthy worries in my head.

Escaping.

Is it escape? Is it surrender? Is it insanity? I suppose it depends on how I look at it. Maybe one day, I will feel free within myself. One day I will see the cage’s door was never closed.

xoxox, peacefully mourning