How Do I Say, You Are An Energy Vampire?

Do I start off sweet by listening to all your problems?
Can you hear my responses in your head? You know, the ones I am afraid to share out loud.
Am I safe telling you the problems you dwell on are petty?
Probably not… now I am the evil one.

What should I do when you have exhausted my energy?
Should I sleep all day and risk your thought of my laziness?
Could I leave and find a new way of life?
If I do, do I tell you…?

Do I tell you that you have poisoned each energy field that comes in contact with you?
I would hate for the truth to send you down the depression loop.
So, I don’t dare say anything.
Would you listen either way?

You are rubbing off on me and I am beginning to lose my sanity.
I stay because I get to save money and play.
But, is any of it worth becoming molded by you?
Is that what I tell you when I leave?

Could I tell you that it was my fault for falling into your trap?
My inner turmoil sent me through the forest of your emotions.
Could I be honest enough to see I blame others for the darkest parts of me?
Could I shine a light on the procrastination I feel?

I would love to be mad at you,
But I am truly only mad at me…
For taking so damn long to see,
Anything I need is created inside of me.

xoxox, good luck growing up

Empower Yourself: How to Transmute Lingering Emotions

Do you find yourself going backwards; replaying moments in your head? What are you missing? What are you looking for? Justification. Clarity. Empathy or sympathy. Release. You have no one to talk to… not even your inner voice will listen… what do you do then?!

You REprogram. It is time to take your power back. Send that voice right BACK where it came from!

Hear me out, I know this is not an easy task…but here are the steps

  1. Acknowledgement of the thoughts that were forced upon you
  2. Acceptance for what you are facing
  3. Love where the thoughts came from (and where they are going back to)
  4. Release

The fourth step is where it gets tricky, and this is where positive self talk comes into place. Let me give you more details on my personal example in the introduction video:

I choose to experience sleeping with a new male in my life. I’ll blame it on the hormones, but truly I had aligned with the moment after “praying” for a no-strings-attached sexual encounter. Anyhow, the next morning I was not thrilled with my decision. What I deeply wanted and what I was given were two opposite extremes. My fault for not being clear in my manifestation…

The issue came when the Voice in my head began nagging me for choosing to sleep with him. I heard every problem. Every, “why would you do that? You could have…”

God, it would be refreshing to tell MYSELF a story and hear positive feedback, or even questions!
“How did it feel?”
“What would you have done differently looking back?”
“Is this a moment you would openly share with others?”
“Would you do it again?”

I VOW: to hear a new Voice; a voice that is interested in the psychology and meta-physics of the moment. This voice will never judge an experience as good verses bad. It will simply ask.

xoxox, reprogramming through radical honesty and open expression

Modeling: A Calling Lost Behind Balance

Once upon a time in a far off land where MySpace was poppin… a young woman named Brianna loved modeling. Not for views, or likes. She loved it because it filled her heart. Her favorite photo shoot was with her sister Kassidy; a couple extra large jackets, fake diamond chains and snap backs.

Brianna and Kassidy Florian
Wicked

Brianna learned how to use a self timer and life was Golden from then on! Pictures galore! She never cared what anyone thought, because the pictures were from her heart for her mind’s eye.

Instagram came along and the competition began. As her followers grew, she would delete old pictures that did not have “enough” likes. As high school passed and so did her cares for social attention. She did what she pleased. She felt she was pretty.

I am Brianna.

I have gone through a transformation. I have felt the dark side of the moon. In other words, I have accepted the masculine energy within me. Since then, I have been labeled; stamped UNAPPROVED.

I have become what I have been perceived to be; ugly and out of shape.

OK… yes, I am exaggerating your views. BUT, I am sharing the way your views are translated into my life. I participated in a photo shoot where I was half(ish) naked around woman with much smaller body shapes. [I love pizza… I’m not sorry.] I heard the distaste for my body and I reflected it in the photos. It became worse when I released the photos and my body grew from the thoughts now added to the scene.

Modeling, what I once loved, has turned into a judgment of self. Do I look good? Am I angled perfectly? Can you see the fat in my thighs or stomach? Do I look like the rest of the bland models?

I kept going…continued reaching out to photographers. What I noticed:

A photographer who appreciates inner beauty can bring out the beauty hiding within me

&

A photographer stuck in a third dimensional, in the box, judgmental mindset, will take photos of me and never look twice at them.

 

This is for all the women who identify with the thoughts of being less than what the mass has been brain washed into liking.

xoxox, I see your inner beauty

Twin Flames: What Are They

Once a wise man in the Psychic Eye shop told one of my ‘twins’ we have more than one twin…

We were baffled! How could it be!? A twin flame is who we are meant to marry and have a family with!

Ha. Haha. We had been drinking the kool-aid.

Twin flames are soul mates. We have many, as we are connected to many people in the world and in other realms.

Sense8, the Netflix Original, is my number one reference leading me to understand this Truth.

It is sort of funny when I get hung up in devastating regret for not ‘being’ in a relationship with one of my twins. I come up with all these ideas to mentally hurt myself. Yes, I am addicted to pain.

It is a weird feeling when I broke free from the pain causers and had no one to fuel my fire…

I began looking for pieces of friends to be annoyed with. Shit, I even get mad at inanimate objects!!

I am working through it and this is a side tangent anyhow.

Twins, yes we are have them and we all have many. I truly believe a Twin is an energy we can easily connect to. I believe the power comes when we are consciously aware of who we are connecting to.

Warning: do not take my word as a reliable source. Take what fits and move on.

To be honest, my Truths change with passing moments, because, I connect to my Twins and hear their Truths. They are all relevant to me.

Weird how this all works.

xoxox, hey fam, your favorite voice is here
PS. The featured photo is painted by Shelby Pollock @ttwentytwooo

Realizing and Balancing the Feminine and Masculine

For the past year I have asked what it is that makes me run from women and gravitate toward one-track-minded men. I read The Celestine Prophecy and that question was answered…

It all dates back to my childhood. As a young girl, I was attracted to my father’s energy to fulfill what I did not know how to tap into. He left my family when I was four and I was forced to step into that energy to give my young sisters what they also needed. My mother did not like that… in her defense, she has no conscious understanding of how energy exchanges work. Nor does she know we all have the ability to tap into Source Energy, which is feminine and masculine.

I spent most of my adolescent hiding from my mother because she drained me of energy. I can finally grasp the concept of a Phoenix rising from its ashes or a cat having Nine lives.

Long story, short-ish… I still have open, deep wounds that resulted from the energy exchanges with my mother. Which is why I find it so easy to run away from feminine energy. Sometimes I feel it is impossible for me to show other women unconditional love. Honestly, I am not sure that I know what it feels like to be in feminine energy…

On top of that, because I was longing for my father to teach me what masculine energy felt like and he left… I began looking for males to complete my circle.

As I am growing in this Twin Flame Ascension journey, I have lost the idea of needing a man to complete me and I have stepping into Divine Masculine Energy. It feels more comfortable for me. I believe this is why men are easily attracted to me, because I reflect what they already have. I also believe this is why women retract from me; I reflect what they feel around men in a woman’s body…

xoxox, completing my circle

I Write Because No One Ever Listened

I write because I was told to sit down, stay still and shut up.
I write because I never learned how to have a conversation.
I write because I would steam with rage when I could not get my point across.
I write because my opinion never mattered.
I write because I was always told I was wrong.
I write because no one cared.
I write because I was lost and words found me.
I write because my heart was broken.
I write because I contemplated suicide with a loaded gun in my hand.
I write because I am a habitual thinker.
I write because I am scared to say my thoughts out loud.
I write because I am a day dreamer.
I write because I feel everything around me.
I write because I hear the thoughts of anyone thinking about me.
I write because I can hear Truth.
I write because I can release all these built up emotions.
I write because I was guided to the pen and paper.
I write because I am becoming a master communicator.
I write because I know words are open to interpretation.
I write because my life depends on it.
I write because you judge me.
I write because you love me.
I write because it fuels my drive.
I write because I understand the power of language.
I write because I create my world.
I write because you read it.
I write because the paper listens…

xoxox, what are words anyway?