Dear God

Please send some mother fucking patience
To deal with these people and all my frustrations
Teach me to know when to say nothing;
And how to play along with their petty games

It’s been a dusty road
I can finally see
Now that the breeze has washed over me
I am meant for greatness
But I cannot teach those that feel nothing

It is not my place
It never was
The devil took the wheel
He wanted to know how far he could drive me
Brought me to the edge of insanity

He took me back to watch my reaction
He wanted to see how deep he hurt me
I showed vulnerability
He guided leaches to suck dry all that was left of me
Crucification

I kneel to you
Asking for a life with momentum
Movement with grace
I am in no hast
I simply want a taste
Of the everlasting water
Until I shall thirst no more
And in your name, I will rain
To quench the calls of the betrayed

 

xoxox, calling to the Light guides

Closure

When I left a guy I dated for two years, I was lost and confused. I needed answers. He gave me some, but it was not enough to fill the cracks in my mind where The Wild Things wonder.

As time passed and I let go of the idea of hearing from him what I hoped to understand, I began to meet guys like him. Some had the same name, some with the same tone of voice, others with similar desires and one with similar trauma. Through these men, I learned who he was.

I learned who I was. I saw what attracted me to him. I saw myself and now I have seen how much I have grown.

This is why I no longer fret when an acquaintance makes a comment that I do not understand. I have stopped the loop of over thinking. I allow my mind to hold a place for the answer to arrive at the right time.

I use to mentally drain myself regretting the questions I never asked. (Because of an obsession for Truth) Now I realize I have two options:

Leave my pride behind to ASK
or
Patiently wait for the answer to arrive without exhausting energy wondering what it could be

Lemme tell ya, it was NOT an easy ride. In fact, I was stuck on a one loop roller coaster and the conductor left forgetting I was aboard. I had to figure out how to unfasten the belt and fly.

xoxox, every day I’m learning