They Hear Me

I cried for you in my car.

I rapped about our struggles.

I told the imaginary crowd how I wish I never left you.

But, I left to come right back.

Stronger than before.

I have the solutions to our problems.

If only you’d listen…

& you did.

You heard the roar.

I stopped the car to read a message from you wanting to know where I was.

I am in your heart…

xoxox, Big Sister, Mom & Dad


Lost, confused and suicidal, I turned to one of my closest soul mates for a way out of my distress. Together we went to our first crystal bowl healing – theta healing – drum circle. Yeah, it was LOADED.

At the circle, another close soul mate shared the story of a life time – THE story that brought me back to my love for numbers:

“I was in my car and the meter read 222. I remember that being a sign of faith but it didn’t feel so important and I ignored it. I drove around, my meter went up, and I stopped at the store. When I got back into my car, I turned in on and saw the meter back at 222. Now, I believe.”

Ok, well that story is paraphrased but you get the point, right? The Universe has a magical way of MAKING us pay attention. Although, it is all in due time and best when noticed without over-analyzing mindsets.

222 became a beacon of light. It brought me to the rest of the number sequences. It made me search for meanings and perspectives. A numerology book was quickly opened. I started asking my friends for their birthdays and middle names to create their charts. HA!

I never quite picked a meaning that felt it sat in unison with 222. Instead, I simply enjoy the presence of the idea that it can mean anything I choose to make it mean. Which brings me to a new story about 11:

I like to reduce 11 to 2, which are both my life numbers. I was driving to an observatory in Austin, Minnesota. This location had no address so I was forced to use common sense and a map to get myself and my pessimistic friend there on time. We had to get off a freeway and take the exit 2 miles before the next right turn. When we got off, I saw the mile marker 11 and choose to think “Oh! 11! My favorite number. That is a good sign!”

Well, duh it was a good sign. That sign was telling me where I was so I would know when the turn was coming up. Since I was being a foo-foo, I missed what the sign what ACTUALLY saying and drove past my turn.

Long story coming to an end…. these number signs are great as long as we stay grounded while interacting with them.

xoxox, the grounded numerologist

Dear God

Please send some mother fucking patience
To deal with these people and all my frustrations
Teach me to know when to say nothing;
And how to play along with their petty games

It’s been a dusty road
I can finally see
Now that the breeze has washed over me
I am meant for greatness
But I cannot teach those that feel nothing

It is not my place
It never was
The devil took the wheel
He wanted to know how far he could drive me
Brought me to the edge of insanity

He took me back to watch my reaction
He wanted to see how deep he hurt me
I showed vulnerability
He guided leaches to suck dry all that was left of me

I kneel to you
Asking for a life with momentum
Movement with grace
I am in no hast
I simply want a taste
Of the everlasting water
Until I shall thirst no more
And in your name, I will rain
To quench the calls of the betrayed


xoxox, calling to the Light guides


Ones have become popular in my life; about a week before I left for LA I began seeing them. I have been seeing 111 more than I see 1111. The difference between the two is the sum.


This is where point of view comes in: I have about 5 ways I can interrupt these ones (to keep it simpleish)

First- 111
Second- 3
Third- 11 11
Fourth- 4
Fifth- Synchronicity

I have found 111 through online research to mean: beginning of a new path in alignment with my soul’s purpose. Leadership and creative thought. As standalone numbers, the first one is Mind, the second is Heart and the third is Spirit; signifying the balance between the Holy Trinity. That makes me feel great! I am humbly telling you that I have had a feeling I was aligning my mind with my heart and I have had guidance in doing so. “The universe does not recognize negative and positive. It only recognizes energy.” Amen to that!!

I have a copy of The Numerology Workbook, which has been a phenomenal read so far! I have read that number 3 is the symbol of all trinities. I picture 3 as the old school weight scale. Mind on the left, heart on the right and spirit in the middle keeping the two together. All the positives and negatives of the 3 resonate with me; Brilliant and Outspoken being the highest.

With 11 11, I first take note that these are twin numbers doubled. I use twin numbers to recognize the person am I with or thinking about when I see these. I like to take notice of our similarities and what we can learn from each other. Remembering who you are relates to this sequence. I could say that fits perfectly with the twin theory.

The Numerology Workbook shares 4 as, down to earth. What I resonate with are the negative aspects, which are high in my life now; stubborn and suspicious. I need to slow down and work hard with less leisure activities. I said this publically last night on an Instagram story. I have much work that needs to be completed and I find myself distracted by events and other’s lives. I try to justify my doings by believing I am ‘networking’. Get this, I do not need to network…I need to DO THE WORK and allow room for those who are meant to vibrate into my life. I have looked into Human Design and I am a Generator. Meaning, I must allow what I need to come to me or I am stepping out of my frequency.

[Seeing these numbers synchronized could symbolize my ignoring of messages. It is awful feeling like I am not listening and what I am doing may not be correct. It makes me want to prove a point; the point that I can control my life and make it what I want from hard work, logic and a sprinkle of magic. Whenever the thought creeps in that I am ignoring higher guidance, I get uncomfortable and begin to throw a mental tantrum. “The more 1s you see, the stronger the path is.” Ok ok, HOLD ON… now that I have read that line, maybe I am on the strongest path!] this paragraph was written before through research.

“Your soul manipulates energy. Thinking is manipulation of energy. As such, a thought is a willful act and it is powerful enough for creation.” The first thought that comes to mind when reading that quote is a recent memory of a new friend asking if I think deeply then saying, “pondering is good…sometimes.” I get it. We do not need thought. It creates a mask to energy. Now, I wonder what is the purpose of thoughts coming about and where they will evolve to.

I have had a parallel universe theory that relates to thought: each desire we visualize and do not take action into creates a world for a separate being to be born into, in order to fulfill that desire. Thoughts?

Earlier today, I connected to a mentor and heard him remind me, “thoughts are made up. Try not to take them so seriously.” I sure do take every word in all seriousness. I am ready to jump back into my playfulness…yet, I feel addicted to gaining knowledge and clarity.

After my research of 1’s, I will use them as a sign that I am doing great and my path is clearing.

xoxox, life coach in the making

Are We Blind?

We have eyes, but do we truly see? Have you noticed the patterns around you? Can you leave a scene and reiterate the details? Do you remember the places in your dreams?

If so, how did you get to that place? If not, do you wish to gain superior sight?

From my perspective, a decent amount of beings are living in a mental state. Mental state – moving through life from thought, thought patterns and ideas.

We hear the movements we make before we move. We analyze our observations. We narrate our lives. The narrator: The voice that recaps what you are doing while you are doing it. The same voice that justifies your actions. I feel that a majority of folks live in the explanation of their observations.

BUT; there is more…

I have found myself living blindly. I even named my plant Sheila. Turns out that name derives from the word blind. Well, at least that is what I found when I first searched the name. Now, I am seeing results that say much more.

Which brings me to the theory that we see what we need to see when we MUST see it. There was a time in my life when I was contemplating my ‘blindness.’ I had an interaction with an elder who spoke to me of seeing energy. He could tell me the colors of people, parks, areas in town, plants and animals. I do not say I believe in the colors he was seeing; I do say I believe the ability to see colored energy. I was able to as a child. I use to watch vibrant blobs float around my room as I laid in bed. I believe I only saw them while I was laying down. Why? Hmmm, maybe because I had nothing else to focus on. I was a child with no responsibility. As I grew, I stopped seeing the colors and slowing began to focus on material thoughts. It started with:

“Does he like me?” and evolved to “Fuck, I have bills to pay but I want to go out and eat.”

The basic ‘human’ instincts began to fill my mind and I lost focus on the brilliant colors that were always with me. Have you ever seen colors floating around or the aura of another being? A profound experience, now that I see what it is like without it.

Was it important that I saw color as a child? Do I have the ability to do that as an adult? Answers that may have no importance, and I continue to ask because I have fun thinking. Thought becomes weird when I begin to persistently see what I think about. Before my plant Sheila was given to me, I was considering the idea what I was blind. I had that thought ever since I met the man who spoke to me of the energy in the park we were enjoying.

I believe I was blind. I named my plant Sheila. I looked up the name and the first link I came across said the name meant blind. The first point I want to make is that of laziness. I was too indolent to read past the first link I had come across. Immediately I took the definition as exactly what I needed in that moment. Maybe it was, or maybe it was myself playing a joke on myself. “Hahaa, let me see if I can get myself to believe I am blind.”

I do believe there is more to see beyond the surface, like reading between the lines. I plan to have children in my future. When I do, I will let them tell me what they see. I will ask them for answers. I do not want to teach my children words; I hope they can teach me. I know this sounds absurd, but I deeply believe this is possible.

Sometimes I am thankful for not seeing what I hear to be around me… I feel it could interrupt my human-ly focus. (this is a topic I am creating a science fiction book on)

xoxox, an unanswered question

Ode To The Confused

Dazzled by the wonders of this world. Engaged in every moment. Vicariously living every life. Somehow, lost in a liver pool of possibilities. The “ohhh, what ever shall I be?” When you spend energy looping what could be done. What are you doing? Nothing? Make a move; two or three. See. See what these ideas have in store for you. Try everything three times, in three different places, with three different mind sets. Good, neutral, bad. Can you do it? Can you feel all sides? Can you give it a try? Think about this, not one damn idea is permanent. You can leave anything you have begun. You steer the ship. You lay the pavement as you walk. If you have thought about doing it three times or more, in three different places, give it a go!!! Take the steps to make it! If you find yourself in limitations of why you cannot be where you would like to. Change course. Do something that fits where your life is now. Believe in magic. Believe there are possibilities beyond your own imagination. You can, and will, be whatever your heart desires. Choose wisely. Once your decision is made, look forward. Always look forward. Give it three times before you decide it is no longer for you. Most importantly, know your thoughts. Know the thoughts that make you feel gloom. Know the thoughts you are afraid of. Know the thoughts that bring joy. Know you control your reaction to the thoughts. Know you are on to something magnificent when a negative thought appears. Know you are being tested. If you want something that is beyond your current reach, you must work for it. You will be challenged. Show discipline in the fields you wish to thrive in. The Spirit Guides love discipline. Try not to be like me… ranting and raving in my mind about all the wonderful careers I could choose. Straining my brain imagining what steps must be taken for an outcome. I find myself looking at Step 23 when I am standing on Step 4. The process is where the fun comes out to play. The process will get you recognized. The process become the stories you tell your children. Take the steps, and know, you can always walk down and start up another staircase. Here is a little secret; occasionally the staircases intertwine…

xoxox, your guide through the haze