Which Came First: Imagination or Logic?

Honest question.
I say imagination.
We created logic.
We test logic.
Logic evolves (changes).
Imagination is constant and infinite.

Hey science majors….. think about that!

xoxox, The Fact Killer

Illustration by Danielle Wendlandt

Waking Up Lonely

Taken with the help of a ceiling fan – Brianna Florian

Could it have been the yogurt I ate before bed? Was it my dreams? Maybe I astral traveled to someone and their life disappointed me. How about the idea that it was the energy swirling around in the house that I am staying?

Plot twist: it is all of the above. Crazy right? Whatever meaning I come up with is Truth, until proven otherwise.

Once upon time, life was simple. There were no questions to be answered. I lived the “American Dream.” I failed. I cried, deep and hard. I recovered. Now, I am here. In the midst of what One might call a Black Hole…

Anyway, I got out of bed and I choose happy, productive thoughts. Younger Brianna would have dwelled on all these ideas of why I was feeling the way I was. I would have cut each question into a puzzle and hid the pieces around the house.

Not today!! I acknowledged the feeling and moved into a realm of thought in which I knew would motivate me to continue on my path.

xoxox, you are the creator

Fuck Off

Do not dare impose your limitations on me! I give NO fucks if I am singing in tone or if the only ‘dance move’ I know is how to shake my ass and bob my head.

I AM FLOWING! I’m releasing my fears. Passion is oozing from my bones and vocal cords.

Do you understand that? What is so deeply ingrained in you that you must interrupt my moment to inflict your opinions? Imagine this; I am a seven year old child in the midst of a performance that you abruptly stop, “your voice is terrible.”

WTF!? You just ruined my childhood. I may never sing again. If you wouldn’t do that to a child then why the fuck do you have the nerve to do that to me. Next person to stop my current is going to face The Beast.

xoxox, Babe In Total Charge of Herself

Dear Thoughts…

A stranger at Lightening In A Bottle hugged me and said, “I wish I could help you.”

I did not understand at the time. Help me from what? Help me find the clues? Help me answer my questions? Help me Love?

I believe he wished to help me out of the hell I exist in… the mental illness.

H O L Y S H I T      if only my fingers could type as fast as the thoughts that just went through my head. Scrambling.

What is my name and why THE FUCK can’t I help myself? Why is it a thought will trigger the writing of this post then disappear? Where did it go?

These thoughts… the ones that roam the collective consciousness… they are damn smart. They have come up with a justification to all insecurity. They invented seat belts for the … well fuck I am not going anywhere with that thought.

Really, no where. I refuse to follow them down the Yellow Brick Road; only to lead me to myself behind the curtain.

Want to hear the most irritating thought I have?

“Save it for your book so you can make money.”

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING MONEY

 

xoxox, the one who can’t be a hero

Illuminate: to clarify or explain

IlluminatedConsider the opportunities you have had to speak your mind and did not…now consider how many ways that opportunity presented itself until you listened to your gut and SPOKE. What was holding you back?

Fear clenches me to the memories that burnt. All the times I was told I ‘thought’ I knew it all. Every moment I was told to shut up and sit down.

I am above those flashbacks; yet they are not beyond me. Situations reoccur in my life, as if I am replaying a song or watching my favorite episode of Sense8. Why do I relive plots time and time again? What am I learning? Better yet, what needed to be said or felt that I suppressed?

I find my current self experiencing heightened emotions that bring out the little girl within me. Baby Brianna, needing guidance.

I recently met a new guy…. Baby Brianna, out to play! I have not felt this giddiness since I was a youngster. The theme song to this feeling would be Clumsy by Fergie. I have a few paths that could be traveled with this fellow in mind:

1. Continue in my childish ways; saying hello to him at events and acting silly in hopes to gain his attention.

2. Ignore the feels UNLESS he approaches me…

3. Tell him straight the fuck up how I am feeling and what I am thinking.

The third option seems the most “adult” way to go about this. Hm. Now that I have chosen, how do I present this in a way that I could possibly get what I want from the encounter?

Wait…. that is where my intentions steer me in the wrong direction. What if, I let go of Ego and shared these feelings from a pure vulnerable state….?

What if, I break the cycle? No longer suppressing my childish nature, but embracing the younger self. Loving her. Guiding her. While being guided to share Truth with a being who may need to hear every feeling I have to share (with no expectations in mind).

AHHHH, the lesson…. releasing expectations. Therefore, nothing can come as a disappointment.

 

xoxox, the Illuminated