Should I Stay, or Should I Go?

The million dollar question. Duel-ality; in my head. Is it MY head? Could it be that it is nothing at all? Let me be transparent…

To stay would be to continue in the loop (mind set) I am currently in. “You can change any time you want to,” blah blah blah. Yes, I hear you. Yes, I understand. Now hear me: I am honest and have matured enough to know I am meant for much more than I am currently allowing.

I have the solution before explaining the problem.

Hello, metaphor to life. Think about it; the math professor has the answer to the problem before it is presented to you. In fact, all professors have the answers before they present the questions.

“Well Brianna, science is the act of experiments through questions.”

Right. KNOWING that an answer WILL present itself. The science experiment has a question AND a hypothesis.

Could there be an experiment without words? I will go and find out…



xoxox, wanderlust

Illuminate: to clarify or explain

IlluminatedConsider the opportunities you have had to speak your mind and did not…now consider how many ways that opportunity presented itself until you listened to your gut and SPOKE. What was holding you back?

Fear clenches me to the memories that burnt. All the times I was told I ‘thought’ I knew it all. Every moment I was told to shut up and sit down.

I am above those flashbacks; yet they are not beyond me. Situations reoccur in my life, as if I am replaying a song or watching my favorite episode of Sense8. Why do I relive plots time and time again? What am I learning? Better yet, what needed to be said or felt that I suppressed?

I find my current self experiencing heightened emotions that bring out the little girl within me. Baby Brianna, needing guidance.

I recently met a new guy…. Baby Brianna, out to play! I have not felt this giddiness since I was a youngster. The theme song to this feeling would be Clumsy by Fergie. I have a few paths that could be traveled with this fellow in mind:

1. Continue in my childish ways; saying hello to him at events and acting silly in hopes to gain his attention.

2. Ignore the feels UNLESS he approaches me…

3. Tell him straight the fuck up how I am feeling and what I am thinking.

The third option seems the most “adult” way to go about this. Hm. Now that I have chosen, how do I present this in a way that I could possibly get what I want from the encounter?

Wait…. that is where my intentions steer me in the wrong direction. What if, I let go of Ego and shared these feelings from a pure vulnerable state….?

What if, I break the cycle? No longer suppressing my childish nature, but embracing the younger self. Loving her. Guiding her. While being guided to share Truth with a being who may need to hear every feeling I have to share (with no expectations in mind).

AHHHH, the lesson…. releasing expectations. Therefore, nothing can come as a disappointment.


xoxox, the Illuminated